Consider preparing for a divorce by gathering and maintaining records regarding the income and assets of both parties and the marriage. Knowing the truth will help you navigate the divorce.
Before a divorce, can I prepare so I won’t face a disadvantage?
Yes. Preparation helps in most ventures, including if you must divorce.
What’s the first thing I can do?
Deal with your emotions first. Despite the statistics we don’t go into divorce expecting a divorce. And couples often try marital counseling without first addressing your emotions through short term on-on-one counseling. Inevitably I find that the advice of a good counselor mirrors that of a good divorce lawyer.
I’m not ready for a divorce now and my spouse has a good income. What can I do longer term if I do need a divorce?
Invest in your education. Consider the advice from my economics professor in college. The best investment you can make is the investment into your own human capital. Obtain an educational or training that helps make you marketable.
What sort of financial information should I gather before the divorce?
In most marriages one spouse handles the finances, and the other partner has less knowledgeable—sometimes being in the dark about the family finances. Start learning how the family finances work.
In preparing for a divorce, considering having a copy of:
- Recent bank and investment account records.
- The past three years’ income tax returns.
- Social security earnings statements because they often provide an excellent summary;
- Several of your spouse’s recent paycheck stubs.
- The last printout relating to employee benefits (including retirement type plans).
- Any fairly current documents with numbers and dollar signs
But remember, one has the right to this information as part of the normal discovery process.
My husband owns his own business. How can I learn about it?
If you have access to the office, you should copy as many (at least for the past year) business records as you can, which would include the check registers, the monthly or quarterly financial statements, and tax returns for the past three years. If the business recently made a loan, try to obtain a copy of the financial statement given to the lender. Businesses store their data digitally–in the cloud or on a computer. This is the place to look if you have the ability. But be careful. If you are thinking about taking such actions, ensure that you’ve consulted with an experienced divorce lawyer to talk about your rights within the discovery process and other important issues.
Do I need to investigate about my spouse’s “social” activities?
Probably not. Illinois divorce law does not consider fault. The Illinois Divorce Act states that the court makes financial awards including spousal support (maintenance), property distribution, and child support “without regard to marital misconduct.” Thus, even adultery doesn’t provide a financial advantage.
If, however, the “social activities” occur when the marriage is in trouble, and money is spent on these activities, the money has to be paid back. So an investigation may be appropriate. The easiest place to find this evidence: credit card charges. The hiring of a private investigator is usually not cost effective. My advice: only hire a private investigator under the supervision of your lawyer.
Before the divorce should I tidy up our affairs by paying off debts?
Generally, no.
A better scenario: sell the house and pay the from the top of the sale proceeds and divide the rest of the proceeds with your spouse. Under this scenario you and your spouse often share the debt payment in ratio to the division of the asset which is sold.
On the other hand, maintain a good credit rating because often you will need to buy a new house after the divorce.
I have been a stay-at-home parent for the past 20 years, with 12 and 15-year-old children. I have been told that I shouldn’t work because it will negatively impact a maintenance award for me. Should I seek work?
Consult with your lawyer. In many cases obtaining a job may not negatively impact you. Look at your situation realistically. Under the current child support guidelines. courts often impute income to parents with school age children. Judges differ in the degree they impute income to “stay at home” parent. Some judges impute income (at least to some extent). And sometimes a job might provide a lower income compared to the amount the court might impute. On the other hand, this is not a black or white issue. Consult with an experienced divorce lawyer on this critical choice.
Where, however, the parent paying child support has a high income, and the primary residential parent receives a substantial asset distribution, there may be no need for employment. Make the decision about obtaining employment in anticipation of a divorce, or during a divorce, after receiving your lawyer’s advice.
I anticipate the possibility my spouse and I will not be able to agree who should have primary residential care of the children. Can I prepare for the anticipated custody litigation?
Yes. First, divorce lawyers may recommend that one keep a journal with dates, times, places, and details involving the children. An important factor in allocating parenting time (formerly called granting custody and visitation) is the parent who, historically, has been the primary care giver to the children. Also important is the currently agreed upon schedule for allocating parenting time.
If a spouse commits bad acts in the presence of the children, these bad acts go in your journal. What is important is to keep the journal factual with the foundational elements: Who was there, where and when did it occur, and what happened.
If I move out, am I abandoning the house?
No. If the level of discomfort of living together reaches a level where you have a concern for your physical or mental welfare, consider moving out. If, however, there are children involved and you and your spouse don’t agree upon how to allocate parenting time during your separation, moving out prematurely can backfire. Consider the affordability of maintaining two households. Again, address this issue with your divorce lawyer.
I’m concerned about the impact of a divorce on our kids. What can I do to address this?
Think of this as a double-edged sword. Parents inevitably think they keep their arguments away from their children. Much more is known about adverse childhood experiences and the stressors of parental behavior on children. And in some troubled relationships parents minimize the cumulative impact of these experience on their children’s long-term success.
And if you are considering going through a divorce, read the Gitlin Law Firm’s Do’s and Dont’s Lists for Children and Divorce.
Should I consult with a lawyer ahead of time?
Yes. If you anticipate a potential divorce, but not an immediate one, you will put your ducks in a row much better with the aid of a lawyer. And remember that your interview with a lawyer is strictly confidential. Often clients will receive reassurance because what they have often heard about divorce is fear-based. Understanding one’s rights and options in a divorce can be empowering.
